Friday, October 17, 2008

Pretty = Delicate = Should Not be Abused? Shame on You!

I was a talk show the other day, and I pounced on it as the hosts were carrying out a makeover. Two women were getting their hair done, their skin cleaned, and their wardrobes changed. I wondered if this was one of those random things that showbiz people did to make non-showbiz people feel like queens/kings for a day. Turns out I was wrong.

The women who were being made over were victims of spousal/partner abuse. One complained that her boyfriend spit on her. The other said that her husband made her bathe in his dirty bath water. The point of the show? To make over the women and give them confidence, and then bring them back to their husbands - who would not abuse them because they looked so good.

What kind of values would this show perpetrate? That women are only as good as they look? That women who look good do not deserve to be abused? That confident women do not get abused? Too bad the truth is far less simple than this show assumed.

Abusive men do not abuse wives or girlfriends simply because their significant others are ugly, smell bad, look like hags, or are not confident. Some men abuse because their own fathers abused their own mothers. Some men abuse because they grew up in a culture where abuse is considered manly and necessary. Some men abuse because they feel powerless and out of control, and therefore want to exert their force over their women because they have nowhere else to turn.

And to return these women to the lion's den, when they could have been given counseling and protection! What kind of show advocates the treatment of women as mere objects, as things to look pretty and decorate with the hope that they will not be smashed to smithereens? These women need psychological care - they shouldn't be turned back to their husbands or boyfriends!

And why, in your right mind, woman, would you return to an abusive husband or boyfriend? Forget the makeup. Forget the clothes. Get out - and then remake yourself. Re-earn your self-esteem. Get yourself out of the mud. But first, GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP.

THAT is the best make over that any abused woman would have.